last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
