Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
