If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
