He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
