The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
