fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There r osticjed everywhere
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
