She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize