I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
