Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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