smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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