I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
