Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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