The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
