i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
