Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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