I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
