But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
