barbara walters just said penis...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
