I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I want to have your abortion
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
