At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
