there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
