peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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