Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
