also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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