3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
