I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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