GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
