I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize