evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
