Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
