I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
