break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
