I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
