I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
