I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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