Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
