Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
