he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
