The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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