Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
