If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
