Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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