She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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