Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
