that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
