my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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