I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
