stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
