Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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