She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
