I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
