so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
