Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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