ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
