He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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