This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
