How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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