Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
