All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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