I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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