I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
