She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i think i just lost a toe
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
