Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Two words: blizzard sex
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
