are you still at the devil's house?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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