Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
