I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
