There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
After last night, I could never be a politician.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
