david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
