why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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