I will die if light touches me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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