hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
