I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
