wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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