All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
