he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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