Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You can't motorboat a personality
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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