um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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