Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You pole danced in your parka.
I AM VODKA MAN
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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